FeedIndex



Chadwick Moore is a freelance reporter for The New York Times,
OUT, and other publications. He has a background in literary
publishing in New York and London. Born in Tennessee,
he currently lives in New York City.

Contact: Chadwick@ChadwickMoore.com


Paradise Nights
OUT, June/July 2013
By Chadwick Moore

Arena’s been at it for three years. It’s nearly midnight on a frigid Thursday in January. She looks like someone’s daughter awaiting a ride to the mall, sitting perpendicularly on her twin-size bed with her back against the wall and her size 11 feet dangling over the edge. Her pink sheets are patterned with Betty Boop lip prints. In about four hours Arena will hit the streets, which she hates doing. It’s dangerous and lowly, but no clients have called today.

Arena is Spanish for “sand.” Tonight she’s nostalgic. “I was in Indiana when I began the transition with hormones,” she says. The change occurred quickly and caught her off-guard. One afternoon she passed a mirror and became tearful. “I thought, Oh my god, I look just like my mother.” It was the happiest moment of her life.

Arena’s V-neck shirt betrays a rash spreading over her torso -- large, red abscesses that look concerning -- but she likes this shirt because it buoys her modest cleavage. And this cleavage is what brought Arena to Queens and funneled her into the sex trade. Once she makes enough money for breast implants, she’s out of here. She’s not built for city life -- she downright hates it.

It’s apparent in her hypnotic gentleness. She moves like a shy teenage girl adjusting to a sudden growth spurt. Her face is soft and round, her gaze thoughtful and submissive, and small patches of acne kiss each cheek. Her eyes periodically meet mine, and I wonder how much of her coquettish innocence is calculated.

The basement apartment where she lives with Marcia and another girl is off 109th Street in Corona. It’s heated but has no windows and comprises two small adjoining rooms without doors. There is no kitchen. The walls are mostly exposed plaster, and the floor is bare white linoleum. There are no rugs, but the apartment is tidy, modest, and sparse.

In Marcia’s bedroom, posters depicting the Chicago skyline, the St. Louis Arch, and the Golden Gate Bridge pepper her walls alongside garments hanging from nails—a sequined top hat, a fur-lined gown, a sparkling leotard—all left over from her days as a performer in gay bars. She talks about the garments with reverence like an old Hollywood actress tiptoeing through past glory. Along one wall, to conceal some of the plaster, hangs a fuzzy pink blanket depicting Disney princesses.

Up the L-shaped staircase is a small living room used for entertaining clients. An old mattress takes up most of the floor. The room looks like a museum diorama of a crack house. The white walls are bare, there are no bulbs in the ceiling fixture, and the floor is a torrent of condom wrappers, ransacked issues of El Diario, mangy blankets, plastic soda bottles, empty chip bags, and energy drink cans. Considering the charity-shop coziness of the rooms downstairs, the mess seems suspiciously intentional, as if to discourage overstaying.

The makeshift kitchen is in Marcia’s room: a mini-fridge and a hot plate, some plastic cutlery, a box of Frosted Flakes, a carton of Cup Noodles, and a stack of recycled take-out containers.... continue reading

A Writing Class Focused on Goodbyes
The New York Times, May 20, 2013
by Chadwick Moore

“The suicide note — and I’m being deadly earnest — is moving, strange, harrowing and peculiar literature,” said Simon Critchley, an author and philosophy professor at the New School. “People’s interest in them is almost pornographic.”

Mr. Critchley was teaching a class billed as a “Suicide Note Writing Workshop,” part of a monthlong series of performances, installations and lectures called the School of Death and sponsored by Cabinet Magazine and the Family Business exhibition space on West 21st Street. The glass doors to his storefront classroom were flung open to the chilly rain falling outside, inviting passers-by to stop, listen, and sometimes contribute to the discussion.

The pop-up school came about as a smart-alecky reaction to a program in London called the School of Life, which Mr. Critchley described as “a particularly nauseating philosophy of self-help.”

“It’s also a way of mocking creative-writing workshops,” Mr. Critchley, 53, said. “We’re not mocking suicide. We’re doing this as a way to understand it. And why not be a little insensitive? People are terrified in talking about death.”

With Mr. Critchley kneeling before a blackboard on Saturday and his 15 attendees gathered tightly around, class began with a discussion of the shifting ethics of suicide, from antiquity to modern-day Christianity to right-to-die debates in the news media.

The suicide note, which he identified as a literary genre with a unique form, is a fairly recent invention coinciding with the rise of literacy and the press, he told the class.

“In antiquity, there was no need to leave a note,” he said. “It would have been obvious why you killed yourself.”

He then shared famous notes left by, among others, Virginia Woolf, Adolf Hitler and Kurt Cobain.

A student raised her hand to share a note she brought, a personal favorite found in an anthology.

“Dear Betty, I hate you. Love, George,” she read. The class laughed but quickly began talking about the dichotomies in the letter — love and hate, humor and anger — and then moved on to the larger question of the purpose of a suicide note.

“To not die alone,” said Sara Clugage, 33, an artist from Brooklyn. “To address someone.”

“They’re filled with pathos,” another student interjected. “They ultimately aren’t that interesting.”

“They are a last, desperate attempt at communication,” Mr. Critchley said. “They are failed communication, in a sense.”

Students then were given 15 minutes to imagine their own suicide letters, which they composed on 4-by-6 note cards and shared aloud with the class.

A mother with glowing features and a gentle British accent elected to go first. She had addressed the letter to her children.

“When you inevitably discover those things I kept secret, let these not diminish the reality nor the magnitude of my love for you,” she read.

The products of the exercise ranged from spiteful to existential to humorous.

“I am sorry, mostly to my dog. Love, Lauren. P.S. Please don’t bury me in Los Angeles,” one student read.

Nadja Argyropoulou, curator at Family Business, shared one of the afternoon’s more stark compositions, written by a classmate.

“I am so filled with love it is still all too much to bear,” the note read. “I cannot find my way. The world is all wrong and although I withstood the worst of it, I lost out.”

Andrew Riddles, 44, a Web developer visiting from Canada, read from a classmate’s note: “Offstage was always best.” He found tenderness in the experience of attending the workshop. “It’s very embracing of life, the opposite of what you’d expect,” he said.

The second half of the afternoon format focused on epitaph writing, led by Jeff Dolven, an English professor at Princeton University, who called the epitaph a “very different genre” from the suicide note. The students wrote their own epitaphs. Some were stoic, some self-aggrandizing, some humorous.

“An imprint light,/Or deeply pressed/She moved among us/Then she left,” wrote Karen Houppert, a journalist.

“He was kind to all animals, except his family,” Mr. Riddles wrote.

As evening approached Mr. Dolven dismissed class and left the students with a final epitaph from W.B. Yeats.

“Cast a cold eye/On life, on death./Horseman, pass by,” he read, and a chilly quiet permeated the room.

“I’ll leave you with that enigmatic epitaph,” Professor Dolven said. “Reconcilable, though not perfectly reconcilable.”

read the article at nytimes.com

In Methodist Stronghold, A Dialogue on Gay Rights
The New York Times, Aug. 2, 2012
By Chadwick Moore

OCEAN GROVE, N.J. — This sleepy, close-knit Jersey Shore hamlet has been a conservative Christian stronghold for 150 years. Until the 1980s, cars were not allowed on the streets on Sunday. Longtime residents recall moving their vehicles to neighboring Bradley Beach before midnight on Saturday. Today, the beaches stay closed on Sunday mornings.

Homeowners in Ocean Grove, an unincorporated community in Neptune Township, sign perpetually recurring 99-year leases from the sole landowner, a Methodist ministry called the Ocean Grove Camp Meeting Association. But in recent years, tensions have flared as gay residents and vacationers have flocked to Ocean Grove, which is next door to Asbury Park, a city that has evolved into a thriving gay travel destination.

Harriet Bernstein, 70, a retired schoolteacher and longtime Ocean Grove resident, has been at the center of a continuing debate between the community’s Christian leadership and its expanding gay population. Four years ago, Ms. Bernstein and her partner, Luisa Paster, 64, a retired librarian, set off a legal fight that has yet to be resolved when the Camp Meeting Association rejected their request to use a pavilion for their same-sex civil union.

“What’s going on here is like a microcosm for the rest of the country,” she said.

The leaders of the Camp Meeting Association said that they did not discriminate against any group, but that they had a right to hold on to their beliefs.

“We’re committed to our mission, which is spiritual growth, birth and renewal, and to reaching out,” said Ralph delCampo, the association’s chief operating officer and a minister. “Certainly to share the gospel, but not to judge everyone.

“We live in the greatest country in the world, and we are so blessed to know that people will respect our position.”

The latest skirmish erupted last weekend when Kirk Cameron, a former sitcom actor who is now a conservative Christian activist, gave a lecture here on strengthening marriages, over the objection of gay groups who had wanted the town’s leadership to cancel the event. Mr. Cameron came under fire this year by gay-rights groups after an interview with Piers Morgan on CNN in which he described homosexuality as “unnatural” and “destructive.”

Several dozen protesters demonstrated outside the auditorium where Mr. Cameron was appearing. “I can’t understand why Ocean Grove is actually having that man in this town,” said Jim Powers-Hill, 52, a church administrator from Asbury Park.

But while Mr. Cameron’s talk generated anger, another episode last weekend showed that those on different sides of the issue of gay rights were trying to reach some understanding.

After Mr. Cameron’s appearance was announced, a lunch was arranged last Saturday at the home of Ms. Bernstein and Ms. Paster among members of the Camp Meeting Association and several gay-rights advocates.

Sitting in a circle in the living room around bowls of chips and pretzels, the visitors balanced plates of food on their knees as they listened to one another’s points of view. Dr. Dale C. Whilden, the president of the Camp Meeting Association and a dentist, was one of the first to arrive. “This is an opportunity to show that we respect them,” Dr. Whilden said of Ocean Grove’s gay community.

Representative Frank Pallone, a Democrat and a supporter of gay rights, sat near Mr. Whilden.

“Some of you said, ‘We’re not going to agree,’ ” Mr. Pallone said. “I think at some point we will agree.”

Steven Goldstein, the founder of Garden State Equality, a gay-rights group, spoke of a deep love for the Methodist Church. “We may not agree on everything, but we are, today, starting to see each other as human beings,” said Mr. Goldstein, who is studying to be a rabbi.

By the time the dessert emerged, the discussion turned to more neighborly matters: the hot summer, the economy, family concerns. A member of the Christian leadership took a seat next to Corey Bernstein, a gay 17-year-old from Millburn, N.J., who had addressed the group earlier about bullying issues. “So, where are you going to college next year?” she asked Corey, between bites of cake.

Tom Caruso, a 62-year-old retiree from Manhattan, bought a second home in Ocean Grove last year after he and his husband were married in New York State. Mr. Caruso, who was not at the lunch, said, “The town itself is very welcoming, very accepting, very nice place to be.” As for the Camp Meeting Association, he said he believed many members were welcoming to gays and lesbians as well, “but not all of them, obviously.”

read the article at nytimes.com

Ready for the Big Storm (the One From Last August)
The New York Times, May 29, 2012
By Chadwick Moore


When Amy Sedaris sees the X, she becomes sad.

“I just imagine what their apartments must look like,” she said.

Ms. Sedaris, the comedian, actress, West Village resident and self-styled Martha Stewart of the harried and downtrodden, was talking about a citywide scourge that has lingered in plain sight for nearly a year: X’s and asterisks of tape affixed to windows as Hurricane Irene bore down on New York City last August.

While Irene petered out to a tropical storm by the time it made landfall in the city — the National Weather Service does not have a single report on file of a window blown out — the X’s endure, in Williamsburg and Jackson Heights, on the Lower East Side and in Bushwick and elsewhere, a stirring testament to the forces of civil preparedness and inertia.

Strolls through 11 neighborhoods in Brooklyn, Manhattan and Queens in recent weeks turned up scores of windows similarly decorated, and in every case where a resident or neighbor was interviewed, that person said the tape had been placed in anticipation of the storm.

Not that it made a bit of difference. “It is a waste of effort, time and tape,” the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration offers in answer to the frequently asked question, “Should I tape my windows when a hurricane threatens?”

“It offers little strength to the glass and NO protection against flying debris,” the weather agency writes, adding, somewhat presciently, “After the storm passes, you will spend many a hot summer afternoon trying to scrape the old, baked-on tape off your windows (assuming they weren’t shattered).”

Unless, of course, you cannot be bothered.

“I’m just lazy,” said Christopher, 27, an actor who shares a chaotic one-bedroom railroad apartment with two roommates on Meserole Avenue in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. In his bedroom, where a full-size mattress takes up most of the floor and mountains of laundry might be mistaken for furniture, an X of blue painter’s tape blocks the view out of his only window.


Christopher, who would not give his last name, said last week that while his roommates had removed the tape from the apartment’s five other windows the morning after Irene went through the area on Aug. 28, he passed. Besides, he said, the windows seemed so flimsy, “I figured they could fall apart at any minute and I might as well just leave it on.”

Flimsy window or fancy, a wide X of tape adds a hard-to-miss accent. In an 1830s town house on Second Avenue in the East Village, in a room used by the Women’s Prison Association to house former inmates, panes of glass in a pair of original six-over-six double-hung windows were also marked with X’s in painter’s tape.

Alexandra Villano, director of strategic operations for the organization, said, “The tape was just never taken down.”

In Williamsburg, Robert Hildalgo, 40, was leaving his apartment on Grand Street dressed to the nines with his mother and school-age daughter on a recent Sunday morning. He was asked about his building, where all three floors have their windows taped, giving the appearance of a game of tick-tack-toe where O never got a chance.

“It’s not like we’re waiting around for another one,” Mr. Hidalgo said as he gazed up at the white tape across his living room and bedroom windows. “We used that really strong tape, and it’s been really difficult to get off.”

Sheila Delson, a professional organizer with nearly 20 years’ experience in New York, said she believed that increased stress in day-to-day living and time-wasters, like Facebook, begot during the digital revolution distracted people from basic principles of home maintenance.

“Taking care of the cave, so to speak, although it’s important, just pales,” she said, “as opposed to everything else about survival.”

But New Yorkers say they are getting around to it. Really. On Graham Avenue in Williamsburg, a barista who out of embarrassment would not give her name told a reporter in March that the three white X’s on her windows were not long for this world.

“I finally pulled out my Goo-Be-Gone this week and I’m going to be Gooin’ and Be-Gonin’,” she said.

A walk by her apartment last week showed the X’s still intact.

Note to her and the others: The Atlantic hurricane season begins Friday.

Read the article at nytimes.com

In North Brooklyn, Another Gay Bar Closes
The New York Times, March 20, 2012
By Chadwick Moore


One Wednesday in February at Veronica’s, the boss lined up shot glasses on the bar, opened a bottle of tequila and passed it down the line to her 14 employees.

The news was not going to be good. Because of mounting health department fines and a pending lawsuit from neighbors, the owners of Veronica People’s Club, a gay bar in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, told the staff that the bar would stop serving alcohol after 8 p.m.

A bar that stops serving at 8 is not a bar with a future. On St. Patrick’s Day, the other shoe dropped, and Veronica’s, which had flourished – sometimes too noisily for its neighbors’ liking — since opening in 2010, shut its doors after one last tearful party.

It has been a rough spell for gay bars in North Brooklyn: Blackout, a block down Greenpoint Avenue from Veronica’s, closed in November. And last month, the local community board voted to ask the state not to renew the license of the area’s most popular gay bar, Metropolitan in Williamsburg, after complaints that it regularly kept its outdoor patio open later than the law allowed. (The vote is unlikely to lead to any action because Metropolitan has had a relatively clean record, the state liquor authority said.)

While the reasons for the bars’ problems vary, and while many bars in the city, gay and straight alike, draw complaints from neighbors, some owners and patrons say they think anti-gay sentiments are a factor in neighborhoods with a conservative core of longtime residents.

Kelly Gorman, a promoter who hosted a weekly party at Blackout and started a Friday night party, Kielbasa, at Veronica’s, said many longtime Greenpointers “don’t necessarily want us there” and do not want their neighborhood to change, “especially when it comes to gay events.”

Though Blackout closed over an internal dispute, Louis Terline, who was one of the owners, said he sometimes felt harassed by his neighbors.

“All it takes is one crazy person to call 20 times a night until the police just don’t want to be bothered anymore,” Mr. Terline said.

A woman who would give her name only as Yvette and for more than 10 years has managed a deli on Franklin Street, on the block where Veronica’s is located, said, “I haven’t seen, personally, any real discrimination against gay people.” She said the neighborhood had welcomed a highly visible gay influx in recent years. “Of course,” she added, “people aren’t going to do it in public and let people know how they really feel.”

In Veronica’s case, the owners of the building next door charged in a lawsuit filed in December that “unreasonably loud music and noises of all sorts are emitted” from the bar at all hours and that the music sent vibrations through their apartment, causing them “to become nervous, anxious and agitated.”

The neighbors, Lena and Peter Jou, who bought their building 10 years ago, seek millions of dollars in damages and compensation for loss of property value.

None of the parties directly involved with the case would comment, citing the pending litigation. But Chris Barry, 29, who had been a bartender at Veronica’s, said the bar’s closing was a result of accumulating health department fines, which he said had doubled since the dispute with the neighbors began last year.

At its last graded inspection, in November, Veronica’s received a C and was cited for flies, having cold food stored at high temperatures, and not taking adequate steps against vermin. An inspection in January put the bar on track to receiving a B, with one “critical” sanitary violation for improperly using or storing a food utensil.

Veronica’s has paid $5,335 in fines to the Health Department on its violations and still owes another $300, according to the city.

Veronica’s, which opened in July 2010, regularly drew crowds to its Friday night dance parties and Monday evening viewings of the reality television show “RuPaul’s Drag Race.”

But Saturday’s crowd might have been the biggest ever. In the waning afternoon light, with most of the booze in the house consumed, one of the owners, Heather Millstone, climbed atop the bar to give a speech.

“Greenpoint’s a very special place,” she said through tears. “Thank you, guys.”

The crowd whooped and cheered once more.



Read the article at nytimes.com

Between Rails, a Trickle Bearing Dreams
The New York Times, Jan. 23, 2012
By Chadwick Moore


Michael Shannon did it for love.

Mr. Shannon, a 40-year-old tea merchant from Queens, stood on a mostly empty platform in the Nassau Avenue subway station in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, one recent Friday night, a black fox fur stole draped over his shoulders and a black felt fedora atop his great mane of hair.

He tossed pennies, 11 of them in succession, into a litter-strewn pool of water snaking through the track bed.

“Love, true love. Meeting a beautiful man. Having a beautiful life,” Mr. Shannon said of his wishes. “It’s worth 11 times.”

Every day, millions of gallons of groundwater are pumped through New York City’s subway network. The water enters the system through underground aquifers, bound for the city’s storm sewage system.

At some stations, the water table is relatively high. Rivulets form along the track beds. In at least two stations in Brooklyn, riders like Mr. Shannon use these urban springs as places to cast their desires, hopes and dreams.

“I’ve always wondered about that,” said a woman carrying a yoga mat the other morning while waiting for a train at the Broadway station in Williamsburg, two stops south of the Nassau station on the G line. “It’s like some sort of New York wishing well. And it’s only here. I’ve never seen it in the city or anywhere else.”

At the Broadway station, hundreds of coins lie beneath the water on the track bed. One commuter likened the station to “the log ride at Disney World” because of its cavelike appearance, which includes stalagmites growing from fixtures and hundreds of stalactites, some a foot long, hanging from the ceiling.

Subways, interrupting as they do the natural flow of water underground, are built to move water just as they are to move people. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority built depressions between the rails of its underground track beds to guide water leaching from the ground toward the nearest drain, said Kevin Ortiz, a spokesman for the agency. The drains direct the water to pumping stations that send it into the storm sewers.

The water’s journey can be a long one. In Williamsburg and its environs, said Andrew Kozlowski, a hydrologist for the state, the water visible in the subway fell as rain six months to two years ago and has since been migrating through aquifers toward the East River.

Asked what the transit agency thought about the coin-tossing, Mr. Ortiz offered only a reference to a section of the transit Rules of Conduct that bars throwing items onto track beds. But where people, water and time to contemplate all intersect (the interval between G trains can seem eternal), coins will be tossed.

Fred Bryant, a professor of social psychology at Loyola University in Chicago who studies superstitions, said such rituals gave people an illusion of control over their desires.

“What we know to be true from past research is that when economic times are tough, when people feel a threat in any way, either from military threat or economic, financial threat, superstitions increase,” Professor Bryant said. “In the trying to exert control, we are tricked into believing we have it.”



Brittawnee Enos, 27, of Greenpoint, tossed a penny in the water on a recent weekday as she waited for a G train at Broadway.

“I’ve just been struggling for my goals lately, so I wished to be a little more focused in accomplishing them,” she said. “I’m a dancer, and I haven’t even been going to class for some time because, you know, distractions and injuries, that sort of thing. I just want to get back into it.”

Emily Hexe, 22, tossed a coin into the pool at the Nassau station on a recent Saturday night, without a specific hope in mind.

“It’s almost just in the motion of doing it,” she said. “Having a wild hope for something, anything — just remembering the child that’s inside myself.”

On one afternoon, the Broadway station platform was abuzz with students from a middle school. Some passed the time by tossing coins onto the track bed.

Daniel Maslowski, a seventh grader, said he wished to win the lottery.

A classmate, Rafal Wadolowski, traveling with a younger cousin, said he wished that his cousin “would get to the top 10 next year in grades.”

Rafal’s cousin wished for the same thing, though she expanded a bit. “I wished that I would do good in school,” she said, “for all the people to do good in school.”

Read the article at nytimes.com

Ellie's Legacy
Out, September 2011
By Chadwick Moore


The news went viral on Facebook. Then it made Towleroad. Stalwarts of the chattering class jammed news feeds with sad-face emoticons and R.I.P.s for the death of a beloved personality. It got so bad that on Februrary 21, Tom Yaz, a video jockey, made the 50-mile drive to Cape Cod Hospital in Hyannis Port, walked up to his friend and said, "Ellie, the rumor is you're dead."

Ellie Castillo, the 80-year-old trans street performer (and little-known father of five) looked up from her hospital bed, smiled, and said, "Oh?"

Yaz, who produced the album Ellie in High Fidelity and two music videos (the latest of which was shot on a frigid beach in January, featuring Ellie in bra and panties, lip-syncing to Barbra Streisand's "Evergreen"), persuaded her to post a video announcing that she was, in fact, alive. In the seven-minute film, a smiling Ellie, clad in a leopard-print Snuggie, tells her fans she's been hospitalized for digestive problems and that she will be back to P-town in no time. The video got 2,000 hits in the first hour of being posted on Ellie's YouTube page while Facebook messages flowed in from fans and neighbors with posts such as "Oops! Get well soon, Ellie!" Towleroad took down its story.

Ellie had been a Luddite. But within 36 hours of her death being reported, her number of Facebook friends quadrupled. And as Ellie's modest electronic footprint continued to expand during the 56 days she spent in the hospital, something beautiful happened. Thousands of people who had known Ellie as the elderly male-to-female street performer with a gruff New England accent, long wispy hair, and an affinity for scanty clothing were now--thanks to diligent management of Ellie's online profile by Yaz and by her oldest daughter, Andree Clearwater--getting profoundly intimate glimpses into Ellie's hitherto-mysterious personal life.

In 2001, Elliot "Ellie" Castillo, at the age of 70, brought a microphone and a wig to Provincetown. A Baptist minister working in the Boston area for more than 40 years and a four-time divorcee, Ellie became the village mascot of P-town and the most visible embodiment of how many the rte like to see their community: as a place of refuge, exhibitionism, nonconformity, and acceptance.

"When Ellie was in the hospital, we had middle-aged straight women from upstate New York posting how they can't wait to drive over to Provincetown just to hear Ellie sing," says Yaz. "His rent for $840 a month, and, after bills, I think he had $60 to his name before he hit the streets. Ellie quite literally sang for his supper." (As for the pronoun issue, family members use male pronouns and close friends flip-flop between the two. Ellie's Facebook gender is listed as male and Ellie has never identified as straight or gay, transsexual or transgender. in her words, "i'm just a human being.")

Photos of Ellie's Provincetown apartment posted to her Facebook page revealed a cluttered home awash in soft pinks, flora patterns, and religious iconography (despite leaving the clergy, she still identified as a Christian). The vibe was somewhere between frazzled twentysomething and spinster. The world also learned that Ellie had five children--all of them stand-up, red-blooded Americans--and 12 grandchildren. Photos were posted of the family visiting Ellie (the boys doused her hospice room in Red Sox paraphernalia). Photos of Ellie taken 10 years ago in Hyannis Port Harbor on a boat owned by the late senator Ted Kennedy (Ellie was doing carpentry work on it that summer) were perhaps the most arresting. The male Ellie--Yaz described both male and female Ellie as being incurable womanizers--cut the look of an off-the-rack, middle-class New England seafarer: handsome and broad-cheeked with a salt-and-pepper beard and J. Crew-catalogue tidiness.

On April 2, nearly two months after the false alarm, Ellie gave an impromptu concert from her hospital bed for the nurses and patients on her floor. As it turns out, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" would be the last song Ellie ever sang. She died five days later of pancreatic cancer. Her daughter, Andree, a nursing student and artist from western Massachusetts, was by her bed. She reported that in Ellie's last moments her skin looked suddenly flawless, "almost like porcelain." And that she was smiling.

In the East Village a Poetic Mentor Minces Few Words
The New York Times, September 8, 2011
By Chadwick Moore


The woman climbs the stairs in the shabby East Village tenement and enters while Larry Fagin is finishing a call with another poetry student.

“How’s Aiden? Is he old enough to go to college yet?” Mr. Fagin asks the man on the phone, making small talk. He motions for the woman to take a seat at the dining table, where her most recent poem is up on his computer screen. “O.K. Send money,” he barks and hangs up.

Mr. Fagin turns his attention to the woman, Jennifer Kietzman, 40, a due-diligence investigator from Borough Park, Brooklyn, with a full head of wild red curls. She leans over his shoulder as he dives into a wham-bam frenzy of changing word tenses, deleting entire lines and replacing words with synonyms.

He stops at the second line of her lengthy prose poem. “No, horrible. Bad poetry. That’s the worst line you’ve ever written.” He highlights the line and slams the delete key. “Goodbye!”

“I liked it,” Ms. Kietzman says in a shrinking voice and leans back in her chair. “Well, that’s O.K.,” she says. Mr. Fagin is not done. The stuff about Ms. Kietzman’s family, he says, “has got to stop. They’re cows. They’re furniture.” Highlight, slam delete key. “Goodbye!”

Four stories above East 12th Street, down the hall from Allen Ginsberg’s old apartment, one of the East Village’s last standing bohemians soldiers on.

Mr. Fagin, 74 years old, second-generation beat, New York School veteran, friend of Ted Berrigan, publisher of Ashbery, lives with his wife, Susan Noel, also a writer, in adjoining rent-controlled apartments in the building near Avenue A.

Although Mr. Fagin — a handsome, T-shirt-and-jeans kind of guy with a square build, tousled silver hair and a cheerful air of insubordination — now collects Social Security, his chief source of income for decades has been giving private creative-writing lessons and editing and producing small magazines and chapbooks from the work of students and friends.

He reports that despite former teaching gigs at the New School and St. Mark’s Church in-the-Bowery, neither he nor his wife have held anything resembling a straight job for any substantial period of time, though he has worked, he says, as a librarian, a reader to the blind and a “black marketer.”

“I try to be disaffiliated from bourgeois society,” Mr. Fagin said the other day, “like most good people. Because all we have are these very few, precious days.”

Mr. Fagin’s precious days typically begin with two hours of writing poetry, breakfast at the Neptune diner around the corner on First Avenue and a quick return to what he calls his “wonderland”: the two-bedroom walk-up (bathtub under the kitchen counter) lined with books, art, movies and music that he rented in 1968 for $58.50 a month with an old girlfriend.

He now pays about $150 a month for his warren in what he calls the “Chelsea Hotel of the East Village.” Ginsberg lived there for more than 20 years.

“Allen made the best chicken soup,” said Ms. Noel, a platinum blonde with black-rimmed cat-eye glasses, apple red lipstick and a strong residue of punk rock vitriol.

“He really energized the building,” Mr. Fagin said.

“Like a battery,” Ms. Noel added.

At any given time, Mr. Fagin has 20 to 30 students as diverse as a middle-aged real estate lawyer in Denver, a Bard undergraduate and a 75-year-old retiree in Florida. He charges $75 an hour, whether in person or on the phone, and has taught students as far away as China. Ms. Kietzman recently paid him $600 to produce 150 copies of a chapbook of her poetry and send them to his mailing list of writers and editors.

Mr. Fagin’s teaching approach focuses on paring poems down to their essence.

“Deep down I don’t care about the writer; I only care about what’s written,” he said. “Everyone is a terrible judge of their own abilities, and it takes someone else to say, ‘Hey this is great, or this is crap.’ And to say ultimately: ‘Hey you don’t matter. What you’re making, the object, is the only thing that matters. Your ego is just an impediment.’”

Much of Mr. Fagin’s own poetry can be brutally economical. His poem “The Skeleton” goes like this:


The skeleton has his own
bathing suit

He enjoys swimming and being
in the world

The xylophones are playing
peacefully

The skeleton is dancing
on the beach

We respect his frugality, neatness
patience, tact

He’s not just another
skinny person
Mr. Fagin seems to exert a magnetic pull on his students.

“If you have any inclination to get in touch with the arts, to express yourself creatively, and you live in this century, and in this city, and you’re struggling to make ends meet —and I fall into this category — you’ll be enamored by Larry,” said Kate Thompson, 30, a former market researcher from Clinton Hill, Brooklyn, who has studied prose fiction with Mr. Fagin for a year. “You walk into his apartment and it’s just filled with all this stuff you recognize and don’t fully know but you want to.”

In a classroom setting, Mr. Fagin has had mixed success. For about five years, until 2007, he was an adjunct at the New School, where he rubbed many people the wrong way, said one former student, Kathleen Kyllo.

“By the time the last class rolled around attendance was significantly lower,” she said in an e-mail. “Where students had once sat closer to him near the front of the room we were hanging back in a defensive mass.” She recalled an incident where Mr. Fagin announced to the class that her poetry was “too vaginal.”

Mr. Fagin acknowledged that he got “really mean” in the classroom. “You walk in and all these faces are staring at you and you want some reaction from them but they really have nothing to offer you. It’s like, come on you jack wagons!”



All in all, Mr. Fagin takes a blighted view of the current generation of aspiring artists, whom he likened to “pod people.”

“They are so inundated by information, they have no way to sort all this stuff out — it’s like being perpetually electrocuted but not realizing it,” he said.

Nor does he have much good to say about what has come of his once-beloved downtown art world, which, by his reckoning, ended in February 1975 at a dinner party around the corner hosted by Claes and Patty Oldenburg.

Mr. Fagin, who went with his friend the critic and poet Peter Schjeldahl, recalled his excitement that the artist Robert Smithson was to be in attendance. “But when we got there, all anyone talked about was real estate,” he said. “They’d all just bought lofts in what was later to be called SoHo. We left and I said to Peter, ‘Well, that’s the end of civilization.’”

Still, somehow, he perseveres to connect, especially with his students.

“To teach literature or history is in a way a losing battle because you cannot cross that crevasse,” he said. “They can’t get to you and you can’t get to them. You can just call to each other across the crevasse.”

Read the article at nytimes.com

For Gay Arabs, a Place to Dance, and Break Down Walls
The New York Times, Cover Story, Jan. 14, 2011
By Chadwick Moore


Around midnight, upstairs in a small club on Avenue of the Americas, the pitch-black dance floor resounded with the rapid stomps and warbling, high-energy cries of the dabke, an Arab folk dance performed at weddings and other celebrations.

When the strobe lights flashed, they revealed a sea of raised hands. A man in the crowd removed his kaffiyeh, the traditional headdress worn by some Arab and Kurdish men, and whipped it around in the air.

“I can understand so many conversations going on right now,” a Fashion Institute of Technology student shouted over the music, coiling his wrists and shaking his hips to the belly-dance beat. “But you wouldn’t want me to translate. It’s all dirty. Dirty Arabic.”

This was a recent Saturday night at Habibi, a floating monthly dance party of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Arabs in New York. In a city that seems to offer activities for every conceivable gay subculture — one 700-entry directory lists support groups for, among others, gay vegans, pilots and sailing enthusiasts, along with 62 religion-based groups — Habibi is perhaps the only opportunity in New York for gay people of Middle Eastern descent to interact openly in an organized setting.

“In New York there’s nowhere I can come to and cry, so to speak,” said Amir, 27, a registered nurse from Saudi Arabia who lives in Brooklyn and has been coming to the party for six years. “Habibi is a welcoming community.”

In its nomadic nine-year history, Habibi, which rests only during the holy month of Ramadan, has inhabited straight and gay clubs and hookah bars all over Manhattan — Flamingo, Boom, the China Club, Club Duvet, Moomia — and outlived many of them. Lately, Habibi has made its home at Club Rush in Chelsea. Its downstairs neighbor there is one of the city’s few “twink” parties; the word describes particularly boyish-looking men. Throughout the night, shy, lithe, silken-haired young men trickled upstairs to ogle the mob of Arab men dancing to Middle Eastern pop, spun by the party’s founder, a practicing Muslim named Abraham.

Habibi, the Arabic word for “my beloved”, is a sort of stepchild of a more serious-minded group called the Gay and Lesbian Arab Society. Abraham, a former accountant in his 40s with a shaved head, steady gaze and smoky accent, was one of the society’s co-founders. Through the 1990s, the group met at the LGBT Center in the West Village.

“It got big, which is not always a good thing, because you have all nationalities of the Middle East,” said Abraham, who is of Syrian and Palestinian descent, grew up in Kuwait and now lives in Astoria, Queens. Like others interviewed for this article, he spoke on the condition that his last name not be used.

“The Egyptians want to hang out with the Egyptians, the Moroccans want to hang out with the Moroccans, et cetera,” he said. “This is always a problem you have with Arabs.”

The cookies-and-tea meetings, Abraham said, “got a little boring.” The first Habibi party, in early 2002, was a fund-raiser for the society, held in an Italian restaurant on the Lower East Side. “I thought what was natural was to do something fun, have people dance, have fun,” Abraham said.

Though the Gay and Lesbian Arab Society tended toward balkanization, Abraham said: “Habibi blends everybody. It breaks down as many walls as possible. You have everyone in the same room dancing.”

The society’s ranks, meanwhile, continued to thin. By the end, only a handful of people would show up for meetings.

“I think around 2004, it was the Internet that really did it,” said Nadeem, an Iraqi Christian who served as the society’s president from 2000 to 2004, when it stopped meeting — though its Web site remains active. “There wasn’t a need to go to meetings; people could just meet up online. Habibi is so successful, one, because it’s a business and Abraham really treats it like one, and two, the idea of a party entices people more.”

Gay Muslims, at least as much as adherents of other faiths, face hurdles reconciling their religion with their sexuality. At the city’s biggest mosque and one of its more progressive, the Islamic Cultural Center of New York, the imam, Mohammad Shamsi Ali, laid out what amounted to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

“Homosexuality is grouped with adultery, fornication, all of them very severe sins, but you don’t need to talk about it,” Mr. Ali said. “It is between you and the creator.” He said gays and lesbians were welcome at his mosque, even to bring their partners. “But we don’t need to know about their sex lives,” he said.

As the only game in town, Habibi, which has attracted as many as 300 guests, brings together Arabs of all social stripes — at once a blessing and a source of its own brand of discrimination.

“In Dubai, everyone is bisexual,” a 22-year-old Columbia University accounting student said at the party in November. “But it’s such a different scene there.” Calling Habibi “kind of trashy compared to what most Arabs, at least in Dubai, are used to,” he said: “I mean, there are street vendors here.” Nodding in the direction of a man standing in the shadows nearby, the student said: “You can spot the ones who sell kebabs on the street. It’s not difficult.”

In the D.J.’s booth, Abraham kept the hits coming — mainly from Egypt and Lebanon, but also some South Asian and Indian pop. “Anything with a belly dance beat,” he said. “Keeping people on the dance floor is a natural high for me.”

The dancers included plenty of non-Arab men, many of whom Abraham said were regulars.
“Hummus queens,” a 24-year-old grocery clerk from Queens named Hilal joked at one of the parties. “That’s what you call white guys who go for Arabs.”

Some of the guests yearned for something more than just a good time. “There’s a lot of post-9/11 baggage that people want to deal with,” Hilal said during another party. “But the only option they have is to go out to a club and dance?”

Still, Hilal, wearing a “Hummus Is Yummus” T-shirt and a Mohawk haircut, took his place on the dance floor, too.

And around 1 a.m., three female belly dancers took to the stage, dressed in pink sequined burqas. The crowd tightly gathered around the dancers and cheered as the women, piece by piece, stripped their burqas to a crooning love song.

Read the article at nytimes.com

Horror on the L Train, and the Rest of the Story
The New York Times, June 8, 2010
By Chadwick Moore


On a recent Monday during the evening rush on a Brooklyn-bound L train, a dozen or so people boarding the train at Union Square shuffled into the rear of the carriage where I was seated. The train was typically crowded, and there was a soberness in peoples’ faces that I took to be nothing more than usual rush-hour blankness. A man who got on, still with his iPod headphones in, began talking to those of us seated in front of him.

“This woman just died,” he said. “Just now. The train hit her. She fell in the tracks.” We were aware he was talking, and talking to us, but we pretended not to notice, as one sometimes does on the subway, until it became apparent that everyone who got on the train at Union Square was looking at us as the man spoke, and they were looking directly and gravely.

“Wait, what happened?” the man seated to my right asked. The man with the iPod repeated his story.

“You saw it happen?” I asked.

“Yes, she just fell, as the train was coming. About 30 seconds ago. Right there. We all saw it.” The two women standing to his left nodded solemnly. To his right stood another man holding on to the horizontal bar. He was tall, young and handsome, dressed tidily in a checkered shirt, and his face was turning red and agitated.

The man with the iPod repeated his story again as more passengers showed interest. The man in the checkered shirt then began to cry, slowly at first, then heavily, covering his face, and slightly convulsing with each breath.

And then the man with the iPod also began to cry.

We all fell silent for moment as the train pulled into the Third Avenue station. The doors opened and closed just as an announcement crackled over the speakers on the platform, “Due to an incident at Union Square, Eighth Avenue-bound L trains are suspended between Eighth Avenue and Bedford Avenue.”

I wondered why the people around me had got on the train at Union Square. More precisely, what it would feel like to see a train going in the other direction strike someone and then to have your train arrive a few seconds later and you board it. It seemed so terrifyingly cattle-like.

By the time we got to First Avenue, the man in the checkered shirt was crying harder, his face turning a dangerous shade of red. I saw that everyone around him was watching and appeared to want to say or do something to comfort him but lacked the courage to stand out.

When the train pulled into First Avenue, someone sitting to my left stood to exit. He put his hand on the crying man’s shoulder and asked, “Are you all right?” The man smiled and let out an embarrassed laugh through his tears, “Yeah,” he said, “I am. Sorry.”

I, too, exited the train. I looked back as it pulled out of the station and saw the man still crying, shoulder to shoulder with strangers but perhaps not totally alone.

The next day I came across a small article in The New York Post about the episode. The woman who fell in the tracks that evening was 26 years old and was taken to Bellevue Hospital Center; she survived with only minor injuries. I hope some of those people on my train also saw the article.

Chadwick Moore is a writer who lives in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, and whose work has appeared on the public radio program “Weekend America” and in small magazines. The woman injured in the accident he describes was saved by an unidentified man who jumped down after she fainted onto the tracks and dragged her into the trench between the tracks so that the train passed over her.

Read the Article at nytimes.com